Sunday, October 3, 2010
I hate feeling this alone.
For the past 8 years, I've lived in the same town, gone to the same church, developed relationships with people who were like-minded and God-centered. My church was everything a Bible-believing Christian could want. My friends were (and are) wonderful people with whom I felt so comfortable expressing my honest thoughts, having a good laugh, and delving deeper into the Bible. I worked and went to school with non-Christians who became acquaintances, but never really friends. I didn't think it was possible to reach the deep level of friendship with non-Christians that I could with Christians, because if someone did not believe what I believed was the most important thing in life, if we couldn't share that belief in Jesus, they would never be able to understand me truly and encourage my spirit the way one of my Christian friends could. Jesus was so important to me that if I didn't have him in common with another, I really wouldn't be able to share a deep friendship with him/her.
Suddenly, I'm not sure about Jesus. And now, all those friends with whom I had so much in common, they feel far away. My best friends, the ones I've cultivated over my time here, they believe with everything inside of them that the Bible is true, that God hears their prayers, that people who don't at one point ask Jesus into their hearts will go to hell. I love them for their faith. They are the kinds of people who really, seriously believe in what they profess to believe, and they live their lives each day in an attempt to bring glory to God and lead people to him. I really love them.
It's just that I've had to keep this from them because of how firmly they believe. I knew that once the news that I, one of the former firm believers (yes, doubt is not new to me, but overall, I have been a very committed Christian and have genuinely believed in the divinity of Jesus, and I have felt certain that I was in a loving relationship with him) was going through a time of honest and real unbelief surfaced, my closest friends would be extremely concerned. I hate disappointing people. I kind of hoped that I could skate by for a while by just having fun with them, talking about how things are going, having the sort of friendship non-Christians have, ones that are real and loving, just without the Jesus talk. But my avoidance of Bible studies and my aversion to conversation having to do with quiet times, the Bible, God, or spiritual growth caused my good friends to wonder what was going on. Of course. I realized that I needed to be honest, even if it meant that things wouldn't be the same and that I would make them sad.
In the past week, I've told two good Christian friends of mine. Now, to say that I've dated a little would be an over-statement, but I do have some experience in that realm. Each time I've mustered up the strength to tell a friend about my religious status, I've been reminded of what it felt like to break up with someone. That hollow feeling in your stomach. The determination to just do it even though you'd rather just fast forward and have it done for you somehow. The knowledge that you need to be honest, but the immense fear and guilt you feel over hurting someone. Unlike breaking up, the people I'm bearing the "bad" news to in these cases don't feel rejected. They can't take what I'm telling them personally. But, they would tell you that what I'm expressing to them is bigger than ending any human relationship, and therefore, the weightiness of my confession hits them, perhaps staggers them. They probably take what I'm saying in with disappointment in me, pity for me, and anxiety over whether or not I'll come to the "right" conclusion in the end. Being the person to inflict all of those feelings onto someone is awful.
I'm just afraid that without the Bible studies, the hugs at church, and the spiritual openness, these close friendships will fall apart. I don't want to be viewed as someone to be saved. I just want to be loved and accepted, encouraged to embrace this new passion for religious understanding. I know that if friends react with worry, it just means that they: a. believe firmly in what the Bible teaches and b. love me and want what's best for me, which is, in their eyes, to be in an every-changing relationship with Jesus. Even if I decide that that's not what's best for me, I can appreciate that their believing it is, just means they really love me.
I don't know where this post is going. I guess I want to know who my new good friends will be if my old good friends fizzle out. I'm not about to change my course because of loneliness; I need to do this for myself. But I'm going to need some community. Hopefully, it will be a diverse body of friends, some old gems and some new ones. Please, just love me for what I am, not for what you hope I'll be. That's all.
For the past 8 years, I've lived in the same town, gone to the same church, developed relationships with people who were like-minded and God-centered. My church was everything a Bible-believing Christian could want. My friends were (and are) wonderful people with whom I felt so comfortable expressing my honest thoughts, having a good laugh, and delving deeper into the Bible. I worked and went to school with non-Christians who became acquaintances, but never really friends. I didn't think it was possible to reach the deep level of friendship with non-Christians that I could with Christians, because if someone did not believe what I believed was the most important thing in life, if we couldn't share that belief in Jesus, they would never be able to understand me truly and encourage my spirit the way one of my Christian friends could. Jesus was so important to me that if I didn't have him in common with another, I really wouldn't be able to share a deep friendship with him/her.
Suddenly, I'm not sure about Jesus. And now, all those friends with whom I had so much in common, they feel far away. My best friends, the ones I've cultivated over my time here, they believe with everything inside of them that the Bible is true, that God hears their prayers, that people who don't at one point ask Jesus into their hearts will go to hell. I love them for their faith. They are the kinds of people who really, seriously believe in what they profess to believe, and they live their lives each day in an attempt to bring glory to God and lead people to him. I really love them.
It's just that I've had to keep this from them because of how firmly they believe. I knew that once the news that I, one of the former firm believers (yes, doubt is not new to me, but overall, I have been a very committed Christian and have genuinely believed in the divinity of Jesus, and I have felt certain that I was in a loving relationship with him) was going through a time of honest and real unbelief surfaced, my closest friends would be extremely concerned. I hate disappointing people. I kind of hoped that I could skate by for a while by just having fun with them, talking about how things are going, having the sort of friendship non-Christians have, ones that are real and loving, just without the Jesus talk. But my avoidance of Bible studies and my aversion to conversation having to do with quiet times, the Bible, God, or spiritual growth caused my good friends to wonder what was going on. Of course. I realized that I needed to be honest, even if it meant that things wouldn't be the same and that I would make them sad.
In the past week, I've told two good Christian friends of mine. Now, to say that I've dated a little would be an over-statement, but I do have some experience in that realm. Each time I've mustered up the strength to tell a friend about my religious status, I've been reminded of what it felt like to break up with someone. That hollow feeling in your stomach. The determination to just do it even though you'd rather just fast forward and have it done for you somehow. The knowledge that you need to be honest, but the immense fear and guilt you feel over hurting someone. Unlike breaking up, the people I'm bearing the "bad" news to in these cases don't feel rejected. They can't take what I'm telling them personally. But, they would tell you that what I'm expressing to them is bigger than ending any human relationship, and therefore, the weightiness of my confession hits them, perhaps staggers them. They probably take what I'm saying in with disappointment in me, pity for me, and anxiety over whether or not I'll come to the "right" conclusion in the end. Being the person to inflict all of those feelings onto someone is awful.
I'm just afraid that without the Bible studies, the hugs at church, and the spiritual openness, these close friendships will fall apart. I don't want to be viewed as someone to be saved. I just want to be loved and accepted, encouraged to embrace this new passion for religious understanding. I know that if friends react with worry, it just means that they: a. believe firmly in what the Bible teaches and b. love me and want what's best for me, which is, in their eyes, to be in an every-changing relationship with Jesus. Even if I decide that that's not what's best for me, I can appreciate that their believing it is, just means they really love me.
I don't know where this post is going. I guess I want to know who my new good friends will be if my old good friends fizzle out. I'm not about to change my course because of loneliness; I need to do this for myself. But I'm going to need some community. Hopefully, it will be a diverse body of friends, some old gems and some new ones. Please, just love me for what I am, not for what you hope I'll be. That's all.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Unitarian Universalist- Part 2
"We share no common cultural or theological background; there is no magical formula that originally awakened the spiritual consciences in all of us. Nevertheless, our testimonies all reflect a clear and common focus- a thirst for knowledge and the use of reason, inextricably linked to the necessity for authentic spiritual growth. At times these stories echo and reverberate with each other, reflecting parallel lives, but for the most part, they weave a web that transcends its universal strands. This network of experiences enriches and is enriched within the context of Unitarian Universalism."
Ervin Barrios and Julio Noboa, editors of Jornadas Espirituales Latinas (Latino/Latina Spiritual Journeys), a pamphlet my friend handed me while we were talking outside the sanctuary entrance. ( I'm interested in Latin American culture and want to become proficient in Spanish.) I smiled at the pamphlet and stuck it in my purse, only to pull it out Monday while spending about an hour in a waiting room and actually look over it. What Barrios and Noboa said about the UU emphasis on reasoning and its ties to authentic spiritual growth struck me. That emphasis on intellect and growth is one of the things I enjoyed about the UU church during my short time there.
Visit to the UU, take two:
First observation: Wow! There was a lot of diversity in age and gender. I really was unable to look at someone and say "Yeah, that looks like a typical Unitarian Universalist" because the range of types of people was large. I guess people didn't look as "meditating, artist, vegetarian type" (haha) as they did to me before (but it is quite possible that where I'm located has a lot to do with that, also possible that now I'm more that type of person- even went through a brief vegan stage- than I was at the age of 14, so I don't find that strange anymore).
Second observation: Wohoo! They used coffee mugs instead of paper cups!! They also recycle bulletins (which my home church does as well). Green consciousness! Also, the sanctuary was decorated with several paintings of nature.
Third observation: There were more people there than I expected to see, but still not a ton. I'm in the midwest. Unitarian Universalists are few and far between here. There were about 60 people (and there is an earlier service, so there are more of them- haha, "them").
Onto the service... which, in its structure, was very much like many churches I've been to.
They began with a gathering song, which I believe is the same every week. It's a traditional Navajo prayer:
Ancient Mother, I hear your calling; Ancient Mother, I hear your song.
Ancient Mother, I feel your laughter.; Ancient Mother, I taste your tears.
Welcome and announcements... then we sang "For the Beauty of the Earth," an old Protestant Hymn... Then, the lighting of the Chalice. A flaming chalice is the symbol of the UU church. As Wikipedia puts it, "There is no orthodox interpretation of the flaming chalice symbol. In one interpretation, the chalice is a symbol of religious freedom from the impositions of doctrine by a hierarchy and open to participation by all; the flame is interpreted as a memorial to those throughout history who sacrificed their lives for the cause of religious liberty." The 2 rings around the chalice represent the joining of the beliefs of Unitarian and Universalism.
Next came the children's message (one of the most impressive children's sermon's I've seen- the reverend orally told a Balinese folktale, Gecko Cannot Sleep, much in the same way it would have been told hundreds of years ago. This folktale was about the interconnectedness of every creature on earth, which tied in very well to the adult sermon)...
Then, the offering. I was happy to hear the reverend tell visitors to let the baskets pass by them.
I found the "Sharing of our Joys and Sorrows" portion of the sermon interesting. If people did not care to share with the entire congregation what they were going through, they could walk to the front of the church and light a candle in silence, sort of quietly lifting their need before the congregation.
I was most impressed with the reverend. She was extremely articulate, intelligent, warm, and well-read. People and traditions that contributed to and were alluded to in the sermon included: Ursula Goodenough (Cell biologist and writer), philosopher John Dewey, St. Francis of Assisi, Descartes, Wangari Maathai (Kenyan Nobel peace-prize winning Environmental Activist), Adam and Eve, plus the Navajo and the Balinese. It is clear to me that UU's consider no one text perfect and sacred, but rather view all religions and cosmologies with an anthropological appreciation, borrowing the "sensible" from each and using those parts to improve this world, and also to address questions about an afterlife and personal well-being, but mostly paying attention to the tidying up of our earthly selves and of the world we currently live in.
The culturally popular, postmodern belief that you should follow whichever path you feel is right, as long as you don't push it on others is one that I've made fun of for a long time and viewed with contempt. The rational part of me wants to know which one religion (if any) is true, then go with that line of thought, not waste my time studying a bunch of religions (and only on a superficial level- not actually embracing all parts of that religion [because, most likely, if you were to, you would find that they cancel each other out and cannot be embraced simultaneously]) that aren't true. Man, I'm good at writing run-on sentences! But, it seems that UU's encourage religious literacy more so than they encourage religious belief. It is okay to find holes in religions, and it's also okay to find strength in religions. There is no dogma. You don't need to adhere to any set of beliefs. It's just a place where humans from different backgrounds can enter into religious, scientific, historic, humanistic, and philosophical dialogue. It is a place that provides community to the freethinkers who don't adhere to any religion in particular as well as a place for those who lean more closely toward Buddhism, Christianity, Sikhism...
I think drawing inspiration from the countless cosmologies that have existed over time and some of the ones that exist today is great. It connects you to humanity at large. Whether the religion(s) was (were) created to answer some of the basic questions any religion addresses, but has/have mostly been "proven" false (you really can't prove any religion false because proving is part of the scientific process and faith cannot be brought into that) or the religion(s) is/are one(s) that stand(s) to reason, if you can draw joy, peace, and kindness from believing in it/them, by all means, believe. I am so obsessed with THE truth (you can blame that on my Christian upbringing or my rational nature), however, that I don't think I could embrace conflicting cosmologies as my world view. Maybe you can only "believe" in parts of all religions if you don't really believe in any of them. If you recognize them as created structures and just take the parts that have worked for people before. I think if I came back to UU (which I see as entirely possible), it would be because of the encouragement to believe what you will and contribute to the congregational dialogue.
Gahhh, this has gotten long! The sermon was actually about the sacredness of the earth and about how we need to tend it lovingly. I found it easy to recycle and not litter, but at the same time, not engage in any real environmental activism in my Evangelical Christian belief. After all, souls need to be saved and people need to be fed- those needs come first. And what good is it to clean up the earth when Christ is returning soon and God will restore the earth on his own? An attitude like that is what makes a lot of religious people not care enough about the environment. Their focus is so on the afterlife, their investment solely on the soul, that taking care of what we see right now seems to matter little in comparison. And if Christianity is true, then I can completely see that a place where souls will rest for all eternity would be a more important focal point than this place we reside in for, in comparison, the blink of an eye. But, what if what they're banking on is not going to happen? What if Jesus is not returning and there is no heaven and hell? If nothing comes after we die, we had better work on making our small lives meaningful and doing what we can to change the world for the better. Our world is, after all, the only powerful (divine?) force we can see right now, and it is our home. At one point, the reverend had us all close our eyes and picture our favorite place in nature. This was mine:
See how happy it made me? :)
How can beauty like that of Malin Head, Ireland not make me love this earth and want to improve it? Then again, many Christians would say, "How can a place that beautiful not have a Creator?"
Wrapping up... I enjoyed the UU. The acceptance of people from all backgrounds, the encouragement of curiosity, the progressive nature, the nondiscrimination... I liked it.
After I got home, my mom asked me which church I visited. I had considered making up a Christian church, just because I knew that she would be afraid for me if she knew the truth, but I just couldn't lie like that. When I said, "Unitarian Universalist," she inhaled sharply, looked away, then said, "You know, I've been praying that this church visiting thing doesn't make you stray." That broke my heart a little. I just had to force a "I'm fine, Mom. Please don't worry about me." and walk away, afraid to think about when I'll actually tell her and my father where I'm at.
Ervin Barrios and Julio Noboa, editors of Jornadas Espirituales Latinas (Latino/Latina Spiritual Journeys), a pamphlet my friend handed me while we were talking outside the sanctuary entrance. ( I'm interested in Latin American culture and want to become proficient in Spanish.) I smiled at the pamphlet and stuck it in my purse, only to pull it out Monday while spending about an hour in a waiting room and actually look over it. What Barrios and Noboa said about the UU emphasis on reasoning and its ties to authentic spiritual growth struck me. That emphasis on intellect and growth is one of the things I enjoyed about the UU church during my short time there.
Visit to the UU, take two:
First observation: Wow! There was a lot of diversity in age and gender. I really was unable to look at someone and say "Yeah, that looks like a typical Unitarian Universalist" because the range of types of people was large. I guess people didn't look as "meditating, artist, vegetarian type" (haha) as they did to me before (but it is quite possible that where I'm located has a lot to do with that, also possible that now I'm more that type of person- even went through a brief vegan stage- than I was at the age of 14, so I don't find that strange anymore).
Second observation: Wohoo! They used coffee mugs instead of paper cups!! They also recycle bulletins (which my home church does as well). Green consciousness! Also, the sanctuary was decorated with several paintings of nature.
Third observation: There were more people there than I expected to see, but still not a ton. I'm in the midwest. Unitarian Universalists are few and far between here. There were about 60 people (and there is an earlier service, so there are more of them- haha, "them").
Onto the service... which, in its structure, was very much like many churches I've been to.
They began with a gathering song, which I believe is the same every week. It's a traditional Navajo prayer:
Ancient Mother, I hear your calling; Ancient Mother, I hear your song.
Ancient Mother, I feel your laughter.; Ancient Mother, I taste your tears.
Welcome and announcements... then we sang "For the Beauty of the Earth," an old Protestant Hymn... Then, the lighting of the Chalice. A flaming chalice is the symbol of the UU church. As Wikipedia puts it, "There is no orthodox interpretation of the flaming chalice symbol. In one interpretation, the chalice is a symbol of religious freedom from the impositions of doctrine by a hierarchy and open to participation by all; the flame is interpreted as a memorial to those throughout history who sacrificed their lives for the cause of religious liberty." The 2 rings around the chalice represent the joining of the beliefs of Unitarian and Universalism.
Next came the children's message (one of the most impressive children's sermon's I've seen- the reverend orally told a Balinese folktale, Gecko Cannot Sleep, much in the same way it would have been told hundreds of years ago. This folktale was about the interconnectedness of every creature on earth, which tied in very well to the adult sermon)...
Then, the offering. I was happy to hear the reverend tell visitors to let the baskets pass by them.
I found the "Sharing of our Joys and Sorrows" portion of the sermon interesting. If people did not care to share with the entire congregation what they were going through, they could walk to the front of the church and light a candle in silence, sort of quietly lifting their need before the congregation.
I was most impressed with the reverend. She was extremely articulate, intelligent, warm, and well-read. People and traditions that contributed to and were alluded to in the sermon included: Ursula Goodenough (Cell biologist and writer), philosopher John Dewey, St. Francis of Assisi, Descartes, Wangari Maathai (Kenyan Nobel peace-prize winning Environmental Activist), Adam and Eve, plus the Navajo and the Balinese. It is clear to me that UU's consider no one text perfect and sacred, but rather view all religions and cosmologies with an anthropological appreciation, borrowing the "sensible" from each and using those parts to improve this world, and also to address questions about an afterlife and personal well-being, but mostly paying attention to the tidying up of our earthly selves and of the world we currently live in.
The culturally popular, postmodern belief that you should follow whichever path you feel is right, as long as you don't push it on others is one that I've made fun of for a long time and viewed with contempt. The rational part of me wants to know which one religion (if any) is true, then go with that line of thought, not waste my time studying a bunch of religions (and only on a superficial level- not actually embracing all parts of that religion [because, most likely, if you were to, you would find that they cancel each other out and cannot be embraced simultaneously]) that aren't true. Man, I'm good at writing run-on sentences! But, it seems that UU's encourage religious literacy more so than they encourage religious belief. It is okay to find holes in religions, and it's also okay to find strength in religions. There is no dogma. You don't need to adhere to any set of beliefs. It's just a place where humans from different backgrounds can enter into religious, scientific, historic, humanistic, and philosophical dialogue. It is a place that provides community to the freethinkers who don't adhere to any religion in particular as well as a place for those who lean more closely toward Buddhism, Christianity, Sikhism...
I think drawing inspiration from the countless cosmologies that have existed over time and some of the ones that exist today is great. It connects you to humanity at large. Whether the religion(s) was (were) created to answer some of the basic questions any religion addresses, but has/have mostly been "proven" false (you really can't prove any religion false because proving is part of the scientific process and faith cannot be brought into that) or the religion(s) is/are one(s) that stand(s) to reason, if you can draw joy, peace, and kindness from believing in it/them, by all means, believe. I am so obsessed with THE truth (you can blame that on my Christian upbringing or my rational nature), however, that I don't think I could embrace conflicting cosmologies as my world view. Maybe you can only "believe" in parts of all religions if you don't really believe in any of them. If you recognize them as created structures and just take the parts that have worked for people before. I think if I came back to UU (which I see as entirely possible), it would be because of the encouragement to believe what you will and contribute to the congregational dialogue.
Gahhh, this has gotten long! The sermon was actually about the sacredness of the earth and about how we need to tend it lovingly. I found it easy to recycle and not litter, but at the same time, not engage in any real environmental activism in my Evangelical Christian belief. After all, souls need to be saved and people need to be fed- those needs come first. And what good is it to clean up the earth when Christ is returning soon and God will restore the earth on his own? An attitude like that is what makes a lot of religious people not care enough about the environment. Their focus is so on the afterlife, their investment solely on the soul, that taking care of what we see right now seems to matter little in comparison. And if Christianity is true, then I can completely see that a place where souls will rest for all eternity would be a more important focal point than this place we reside in for, in comparison, the blink of an eye. But, what if what they're banking on is not going to happen? What if Jesus is not returning and there is no heaven and hell? If nothing comes after we die, we had better work on making our small lives meaningful and doing what we can to change the world for the better. Our world is, after all, the only powerful (divine?) force we can see right now, and it is our home. At one point, the reverend had us all close our eyes and picture our favorite place in nature. This was mine:
See how happy it made me? :)How can beauty like that of Malin Head, Ireland not make me love this earth and want to improve it? Then again, many Christians would say, "How can a place that beautiful not have a Creator?"
Wrapping up... I enjoyed the UU. The acceptance of people from all backgrounds, the encouragement of curiosity, the progressive nature, the nondiscrimination... I liked it.
After I got home, my mom asked me which church I visited. I had considered making up a Christian church, just because I knew that she would be afraid for me if she knew the truth, but I just couldn't lie like that. When I said, "Unitarian Universalist," she inhaled sharply, looked away, then said, "You know, I've been praying that this church visiting thing doesn't make you stray." That broke my heart a little. I just had to force a "I'm fine, Mom. Please don't worry about me." and walk away, afraid to think about when I'll actually tell her and my father where I'm at.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Unitarian Universalist- Part 1
This Sunday, I went to a UU church in my community with a couple of friends of mine. One attends semi-regularly, but the other had not been since she was about ten, when she came for some community theater camp housed at the church. As we walked into the sanctuary, she looked up at the wooden beams over our heads and said to me, "When I was little, those seemed to be at least ten feet high! They were huge! Now, they seem pretty normal." I agreed with what she was getting at and said something like "It's weird going back to a place we haven't been since we were small. Our perspective is so much different that what we see hardly seems to match our memories."
That is exactly how I felt on Sunday.
See, technically, this was my second visit to a UU church. I went to one nine years ago when I was spending the summer in Maine with some of my favorite relatives, who have never fit my definition of Christian, though they are wonderful people. Just like my friend, I had memories of the UU church. Just like her, I've changed. The church, maybe not so much, but my perpective, absolutely.
I'm going to invite you in to my fourteen year old self's perspective... via a journal entry of this visit. Don't judge me. I'll return tomorrow with an entry from my present self about yesterday's visit. I will say that the view has changed considerably.
"Then, at 6:00, we piled in the truck and headed for night church!
*
WAIT!
*
Ok, when Gma, Aunt B___, and I found out about the M____s going 2 church [It's killing me to type this the way I wrote it- abbreviations, spelling errors, and all!], we were So happy! But, keep listening...
*
On the way to 'church,' Ba___ looked @ me and asked, 'Now Tricia [that's my name], have you ever been to a UU church?'
'No.'
'OK, well it's a Unitarian Univeral Church. We used to meet in the Belfast library, but we now meet in a new building.'
'Ok...'
'Tonight, the subject is art. It's only a half hour long and then there's a potluck.'
So, I figured that's cool. A nice summer service, right?
Well, we got there and there's like 18 people (max) sitting in a church (with reg. chairs) listening to 'What a Wonderful World!' That wasn't bad. Then this short haired lady started talking about different forms of art. She talked about how God worked through her and made her draw/paint what she drawed/painted [did I seriously just use the 'word' drawed?!?!!]. I know it doesn't sound that wierd but it was almost like one of those poetry reading things! They didn't say any scriptures or even use the bible or talk about Jesus! And when they sang songs, nobody played the piano, just a lady playing a RECORDER! Not flute, recorder! [Okay, that is lame...] I felt bad the whole time because I was really hoping they would draw near to God! I'll try 2 help them with that! Oh, and @ the potluck, there was NO meat! They had marinated tofu, salad, pasta, rice, but NO MEAT. They all looked kinda funny (I know that's judgmental), but they looked like the meditating, artist, vegetarian type! I TOTALLY didn't see how 2 Lawyers and their kids [my relatives I went with] fit in!"
That's me almost ten years ago. Tune in next time to hear my thoughts now.
ps. Today, I was working in a school and saw a 4th grader whip out a journal. I asked her about it and encouraged her to continue to write in it often. I said, "you'll really love reading it when you're older." I had this entry in mind...
That is exactly how I felt on Sunday.
See, technically, this was my second visit to a UU church. I went to one nine years ago when I was spending the summer in Maine with some of my favorite relatives, who have never fit my definition of Christian, though they are wonderful people. Just like my friend, I had memories of the UU church. Just like her, I've changed. The church, maybe not so much, but my perpective, absolutely.
I'm going to invite you in to my fourteen year old self's perspective... via a journal entry of this visit. Don't judge me. I'll return tomorrow with an entry from my present self about yesterday's visit. I will say that the view has changed considerably.
"Then, at 6:00, we piled in the truck and headed for night church!
*
WAIT!
*
Ok, when Gma, Aunt B___, and I found out about the M____s going 2 church [It's killing me to type this the way I wrote it- abbreviations, spelling errors, and all!], we were So happy! But, keep listening...
*
On the way to 'church,' Ba___ looked @ me and asked, 'Now Tricia [that's my name], have you ever been to a UU church?'
'No.'
'OK, well it's a Unitarian Univeral Church. We used to meet in the Belfast library, but we now meet in a new building.'
'Ok...'
'Tonight, the subject is art. It's only a half hour long and then there's a potluck.'
So, I figured that's cool. A nice summer service, right?
Well, we got there and there's like 18 people (max) sitting in a church (with reg. chairs) listening to 'What a Wonderful World!' That wasn't bad. Then this short haired lady started talking about different forms of art. She talked about how God worked through her and made her draw/paint what she drawed/painted [did I seriously just use the 'word' drawed?!?!!]. I know it doesn't sound that wierd but it was almost like one of those poetry reading things! They didn't say any scriptures or even use the bible or talk about Jesus! And when they sang songs, nobody played the piano, just a lady playing a RECORDER! Not flute, recorder! [Okay, that is lame...] I felt bad the whole time because I was really hoping they would draw near to God! I'll try 2 help them with that! Oh, and @ the potluck, there was NO meat! They had marinated tofu, salad, pasta, rice, but NO MEAT. They all looked kinda funny (I know that's judgmental), but they looked like the meditating, artist, vegetarian type! I TOTALLY didn't see how 2 Lawyers and their kids [my relatives I went with] fit in!"
That's me almost ten years ago. Tune in next time to hear my thoughts now.
ps. Today, I was working in a school and saw a 4th grader whip out a journal. I asked her about it and encouraged her to continue to write in it often. I said, "you'll really love reading it when you're older." I had this entry in mind...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I didn't make it to the church I promised I'd go to- for the second week in a row! Doh! Woke up this morning with swollen glands and a headache, and mustering up the energy to go to a church where I would be a clear outsider didn't seem doable. I'm postponing the visit to Church of God of Prophecy to December 5th.
That may seem funny, but I actually have all of the churches I'm going to written in my planner and I don't want the whole chain to derail because I played hookie one Sunday. When I came up with this idea, I wanted to make sure I would be exposed to a theologically, economically, politically wide range of churches, so I carefully picked churches that I found different enough to visit.
Here's the schedule. I'm going to stick to it!!
9/26- Unitarian Universalist (Yeah, I know this isn't a Christian church, but I'm interested.)
10/03- United Methodist
10/10- Bread of Life Foresquare
10/17- Southern Hills Mennonite Church
10/24- First Lutheran Church (ELCA!)
10/31- Church of the Nazarene
11/07- I'll be in Malibu for a family wedding :)
11/14- Grace Episcopal
11/21- Seventh Day Adventist
11/28- Driving home from Thanksgiving with family and a friend :)
12/05- Church of God of Prophecy
I can't believe this is bleeding into December. I planned on just visiting 10 churches in this stint, but, obviously, the number has grown.
Also, I have been emailing pastors and asking for their personal testimonies as to why they believe in God and why they chose the church they're at. Out of the four churches I've visited so far, I've only heard back from one. I'll continue to email pastors and I really am interested in their answers, but I hope that the odds of responding improve. I'm very interested, lately, in where people are at spiritually and why. If you, dear reader, have time and feel brave, I would even be curious about your story. Christian, atheist, unsure, Buddhist, apathetic- whatever it is, I'm curious. My blogger stats tells me that this blog has been viewed by people in the US (obvio), Canada, and even Denmark! Oh, the internet! If you'd like to go from anonymous to visible, and care to share where you're at, feel free.
That may seem funny, but I actually have all of the churches I'm going to written in my planner and I don't want the whole chain to derail because I played hookie one Sunday. When I came up with this idea, I wanted to make sure I would be exposed to a theologically, economically, politically wide range of churches, so I carefully picked churches that I found different enough to visit.
Here's the schedule. I'm going to stick to it!!
9/26- Unitarian Universalist (Yeah, I know this isn't a Christian church, but I'm interested.)
10/03- United Methodist
10/10- Bread of Life Foresquare
10/17- Southern Hills Mennonite Church
10/24- First Lutheran Church (ELCA!)
10/31- Church of the Nazarene
11/07- I'll be in Malibu for a family wedding :)
11/14- Grace Episcopal
11/21- Seventh Day Adventist
11/28- Driving home from Thanksgiving with family and a friend :)
12/05- Church of God of Prophecy
I can't believe this is bleeding into December. I planned on just visiting 10 churches in this stint, but, obviously, the number has grown.
Also, I have been emailing pastors and asking for their personal testimonies as to why they believe in God and why they chose the church they're at. Out of the four churches I've visited so far, I've only heard back from one. I'll continue to email pastors and I really am interested in their answers, but I hope that the odds of responding improve. I'm very interested, lately, in where people are at spiritually and why. If you, dear reader, have time and feel brave, I would even be curious about your story. Christian, atheist, unsure, Buddhist, apathetic- whatever it is, I'm curious. My blogger stats tells me that this blog has been viewed by people in the US (obvio), Canada, and even Denmark! Oh, the internet! If you'd like to go from anonymous to visible, and care to share where you're at, feel free.
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