I realized this morning when I accidentally commented on one of my dearest friend's blog how much my secrecy in all of this means to me. See, I have 3 different google accounts, and I have to remember to be logged in to either of the 2 innocent google accounts (as opposed to this evil google account!) when I comment on her blog (she knows about this blog, but she's the only Christian friend of mine who does). Well, this morning, I read one of her posts, felt the need to comment, and did so without giving it a thought. It wasn't until I saw this profile picture pop up next to my comment on her blog that I went "Oooops!" After a brief moment of panic, I deleted the comment. It makes sense that that would delete everything about the comment. However, blogger doesn't seem to want people to get out of these sorts of mishaps because what was left on the post was my name and that picture of me in the red dress and the statement "Comment has been removed by author." I'm sure that this statement would peak anyone's interest even more than my old, comparatively mundane comment would have, and prompted people to click on my profile and access my blog.
Here's the thing: I'm so not ready for that.
Although I've told a few good friends who definitely care about me and about making sure I stay on the good Christian track, I don't so much feel the need to tell everybody. If I were to be completely transparent about this blog, everyone who reads my friend's blog would know: her mother (whom I LOVE- but who also might say something to my parents?), her sisters, our mutual friends who maybe know about my agnosticism but not about this blog...
So I did what any defensive, frightened person would do. I made my blog private and made my profile un-accessible. I felt like a complete chicken for doing this, but there are just some people that I'm not ready to be that open with. So, in case you're currently trying to read my blog and think that I made it private to be exclusive, puh-lease. I'll probably make it public again in about a week.
I am so not a secrets person. This sucks in a huge way.
Edit: Okay, my friend with the blog helped me see that I don't need to make my profile inaccessible AND invite only. Yay! So you can now click on my url and visit. I really do feel the need for community, and as lame as it may sound, this little corner of the world wide web is hugely helpful in allowing me to voice my thoughts without fear of rejection, and not feel so alone in these thoughts.
I have struggled also with google to make sure my real name doesnt appear in my comments and when i subscribe to other posts. It is a shame we even feel required to live in secrecy.
ReplyDeleteI saw that you were in private mode. I sometimes do that when I'm working on my blog and I've also done it when I've gone into a panic about something I've shared.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Like a Child. The secrecy thing is a shame. However, would be this genuine if we started out as ourselves?
You could always come over to Wordpress. It will import your blogger blog. That way it would be separate from any other Blogger blogs that you have. Just an idea.
... Zoe ~
Hi, have been following along with your blog for a week or so. Can totally understand your worries, and I never had any secrecy in my life before blogging either. My solution has been to log into my blogging accounts (wordpress and gmail) only from an incognito/private browsing window. That way all the links and profiles stay separate from my public accounts. Anyway, glad it worked out for you, hope you are able to continue to enjoy writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for commenting! Atimetorend, that's a good idea. Zoe, not a huge wordpress fan, but it's been awhile since I had a wordpress blog, so maybe things have changed. It does feel strange to have to take such precautions, but I know you all get why some of these thoughts just aren't accepted by everyone.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.inspirationpeak.com/poetry/theinvitation.html
ReplyDeleteI feel this poem is apt...
I followed you here from Like a Child. I struggle with this secrecy thing too. I didn't know how to keep my identity private, so I stopped following someone's blog from church when I set up my own blog and started following skeptic blogs. She may be wondering what's going on, but I couldn't take the chance.
ReplyDelete